Feb. 22nd - Strong Warrior

Hi Friends!
I am now 7 months old!!! YIIPPEEE!!! I have been growing this past week and am now about 2 lbs and 16 inches long- (I’m pulling back my elbow, and winking with an enthusiastic “YES!”)  I want to share some stories my mommy has been reading to me.

Story #1 1st Samuel 17: 1-51

There was a small and pretty simple boy named David. He didn’t stick out as being special but he sure loved God.  It turns out this little boy was going to do some pretty amazing things. While he was growing up there was a fight going on between David’s town and the guys next door.  They were pretty tough dudes—one BIG meanie in particular was named Goliath.  He was strutting his stuff and telling David’s friends he could squash them like a bug. He called them stupid heads for following God.  Oh, that made David SO MAD—He loved God and knew someone had to stand up to this bully; he was calling his God names and that wasn’t cool.  David swooped up a handful of small pebbles and charged at Goliath, a couple of stones later he was not saying much.  David knew God was with him and because of that he could do anything- even take down a giant. 

Story #2 2nd Samuel 23: 20-23

Once upon a time-in a far off desert like place- there lived a strapping, strong, mighty warrior….His name (drum roll please) was Benaiah!!! (Cue cheering).   He was part of this special army—made from the best of the best.  Benaiah was afraid of nothing; one day he even killed a lion—(yes, as in ROAR)--WOW!!  In another battle there was an Egyptian solider who had a spear, but Benaiah charged forward with only a club and took him down.  He was loyal, steadfast, and very courageous. I want to be like that some day.  Mommy says I already am.

I think mommy likes reading me these stories because it reminds her that I am not afraid of my giant or my battle.  I know my God goes with me with him on my side I can conquer anything!!

Feb. 12th- Manna

People ask how we do it…..Honestly, the only answer I can give is God.  If I have learned anything the last 2 months—it is that anything—even the darkest valley can be traveled because God carries you.   If you know me well—you know that there is NO WAY that I’d be responding the way that I am without God’s Spirit….I’m a control freak, who hates transition, unforeseen change, and is usually worried about everything. 

The crazy part is-since Benaiah has been part of our lives—I haven’t been as anxious….Please don’t get me wrong—I’m petrified of labor and this pregnancy thing has had its share of “Is this normal?”, “What if something is wrong?”…but the overarching presence has not been that of fear or anxiousness.  This alone is proof that God can do anything. 

I have been reading this devotional called One Year of Hope; a wonderful gift given by a very special family who can identity with our journey of loss.  In it—one woman asks another, “How do you do it?  How do you deal with the loss of losing someone you love?”  She replied, “Manna.” 

Manna—the food God sent from Heaven to provide for His people during times of uncertainty and fear.  How would they survive the desert like conditions with no food or water?  Plain and simple-God.  Now if it was me and I was dropped in a desert with no idea of where to locate water or food, the word uneasy just doesn’t cut it.  My reaction would be that of fear.  But what a prime opportunity for God to teach a wonderful lesson…providing the very thing they needed to keep going.  God didn’t choose to drop them in the Promised Land right away and He didn’t take away the circumstances of the tough journey…He took them step by step and eventually they made it through their desert place.  I also find it very interesting that they couldn’t “store up” the manna.  It was something that was given every day teaching them to solely rely on Him.  He gave them what they needed and it was just enough.

So here we are.  Relying on God-each and every day. Dear Lord, thank you for helping me get out of bed each morning.  Thank you for helping me put one foot in front of the other.  Thank you for providing me with encouragement that only You can provide.  Help me to be humble in remembering this is not due to my strength, my power, or because I’m a "good person"…It’s because of you and your provision.  May our journey never fail to reflect the glory and goodness You provide….even if it is during a desert place.

Below is a song recommended by a dear friend—It’s written by Hillsong called The Desert Song—you may want to google it when you have the time.  How fitting that God brings this song to mind as I write this particular entry….He does that a lot—perfect words, perfect time, perfect peace.  Thank you Lord for Your manna.

Verse 1:

This is my prayer in the desert

And all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides

Verse 2:

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved

Of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:

And I will bring praise

I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice

I will declare

God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:

And this is my prayer in the battle

When triumph is still on its way

I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ

So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:

All of my life

In every season

You are still God

I have a reason to sing

I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:

This is my prayer in the harvest

When favor and providence flow

I know I'm filled to be emptied again

The seed I've received I will sow

Progress & Purpose….

I was journaling this morning as I had my quiet time and I was thinking a lot about the first couple chapters of Ecclesiastes as it relates to Tara, Benaiah, and myself. Over lunch a little and break later in the day, I have had a chance to try to type my thoughts up. Please be patient…I may ramble a bit :) Sorry in advance for that…

Solomon used to seem so morbid to me, but the older I get and the more wisdom God decides to give me…the more I realize that Solomon had quite a few things right. He says in Ecclesiastes 1:18…
“..For with much wisdom comes much sorrow and with much knowledge comes much grief”

With all our advances, there really is no true “grand” thing that is new and never been done before. There are some advances, but none of them are what I would call a “basic” advance. Let me explain…

With each new medical miracle, there is a new disease to take it’s place. For each technological advance, we complain that it adds to life’s complexity and bemoan the “simple” life. Don’t get me wrong I love technology (my wife will tell you this is true :))….and this isn’t depressing to me…just recognizing it to be more and more true.

Our lives reduced down to the simplest things are….life…health…food…shelter…common denominators if you will. And another common denominator highlighted exhaustively in Ecclesiastes…is death…a common denominator of everyone’s life is…that it ends someday. So these are the common denominators…the “basics” if you will.

Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 2:3…
“…I wanted to see what was worthwhile for men to do under heaven during the few days of their life…”

So he threw himself into many endeavors and at the end of it he says in verse 10…
“…my heart took delight in all my work and this (the delight) was the reward for all my labor.”

At the end of it…all that these endeavors gave him…was a delight in the doing of them.

Naiah...my son…will never know the joys of working alongside his dad….laboring with me on one of my never-ending (as Tara’s puts them :)) projects. He will never know the joys of building…creating….learning with us. However, he will also never know the burden of work…the heartache of loss…and the grief of the death of someone close to him. While I would LOVE for Naiah to know the joys of life….I am comforted in some ways that he will also never know the heartache of it.

This is not a morbid thought…just a knowledge that although we’d like to reduce our lives down to the physical experience…it is much more….if we are honest with ourselves…we all know it. My son…will experience the best part of life. He will know every moment he is alive…that he is loved. Never will he know rejection…or someone withholding love from him. He will go from the best of one world (our arms) to the best of the next (being with Jesus).

I have come to understand that my wanting him to stay…to live…is more for Tara and myself…because we love him already and do not want to know the loss of our son. But we also love him enough to let him go…to a much better…much higher existence.

Even though I would give my own life to rescue my son from death…that too…is somewhat empty because I know regardless of what I do…someday he would also pass.

So here is the end of it…Solomon says in Ecclesiastes 7:1
“A good name is better than fine perfume and the day of death better than the day of birth”

Was Solomon saying he was sorry for having lived…I do NOT think so…just that to die actually is the beginning of real life as it was meant to be lived. Solomon was not being morbid…just recognizing that it is wise to be ready to meet one’s maker.

I am ready to meet my maker…not because I have lived some exemplary life (far from it)…or done all the right things…or that at least these good things outweigh the bad…no. I am ready to meet Him because His son and I…are friends…brothers by adoption. I am also more certain than I have ever been that we will see our son soon. That we WILL enjoy life together…just not here.

I am also certain that some reading this blog might not be as certain of their destination or of their purpose for being here. Hear this from Tara, Benaiah, and myself….our purpose…our whole reason for being here…is to know…to enjoy…and to give glory to the one who made us. Some folks run from this and invent all sorts of things that create the illusion of progress…of purpose. But hear me…we CANNOT run from our creator. To face Him is inevitable… and… we’re either ready… or we’re not.

I look forward to seeing my son…and my maker… and I am certain when I close my eyes in this life…I will see them together when I open them again. If you take anything from this blog...please take this…you can KNOW Him as well.

.

Feb. 7th, 2010-Heaven

 How often do you think of heaven?  I find myself thinking about it A LOT as of late…. dreaming and imagining what it will be like.  Before all this happened I knew that I would eventually go there—but I didn’t really think of it much or long for it. Now with our journey I find myself desiring to know more.  I think it may be my way of comforting myself knowing where my son will be…..what he has to look forward to- ultimately what I have to look forward to.

I decided to get the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn.  It has provided some new insight and given me some things to ponder--If anything this book has built up excitement and anticipation of the New Earth and how it’s going to be the most amazing physical place—full of beautiful natural wonders, brilliant light, a cozy home, wonderful meals with those we love, and getting to see/talk/spend time with Jesus.  Our best day on earth will not even come close to our worst day in heaven—What a promise!!!! 

While reading the book further, I took great comfort in this one particular section.  It was talking about how Jesus will be able to have our dreams be fulfilled and missed opportunities gained...it hit home….Alcorn writes,  “Although not directly stated and I am therefore speculating, It’s possible that parents whose hearts were broken through the death of their children will not only be reunited with them but also experience the joy of seeming them grow up….in a perfect world.”   No one knows what heaven will be like—but that section brought such peace and a deep hope to press on.  I believe I will get to see Benaiah play, I will get to see him “grow”, I will get to see him interact with his best friend-Jesus--I will get to watch them talk and giggle, still coming up with little pranks to pull on mommy.  I believe Benaiah will get to play basketball with his daddy and ride four-wheelers while having amazing adventures….I believe it will happen- it’s just put on pause for a while.  And even if this is specifically not the case, then I have to believe that my Savior has something even better in store for us….He will not disappoint us.  I have to believe that Jesus loves us all so much and wants to share such amazing gifts—that there will be no part of me that will continue to ache for what we missed here on earth.

If it has to be—if this is God’s will for our son- then at least I have the promise and hope of heaven.  God WILL NOT let us down.  Call me crazy, but I deeply believe my son already knows the Lord....I believe my son realizes his purpose on earth was meant to be brief, yet rich and full.  I believe my son is teaching me that death is not something to be feared…but something to have hope in.  For it’s not going to be our end—it’s just going to be the beginning...

"Oh Lord give me strength to remember the end goal of heaven in my daily walk.  Help me to follow in my son’s example to simply know you, spend time with you, and trust in you.  Help me to love and believe like a child.  Help me to trust in your promise of eternal goodness--that you have the heart that desires to bless us beyond what we can fathom.  Help me to focus on all that Benaiah will gain, not what we will have postponed. Help our family to keep loving you….Keep trusting in you…..Remembering your promise…. "  

New Heavens and a New Earth- Isaiah 65: 17-25
17 "Behold, I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. 
18 But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy.
 19 I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.
 20 "Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days, or an old man who does not live out his years; he who dies at a hundred will be thought a mere youth; he who fails to reach a hundred will be considered accursed. 
21 They will build houses and dwell in them; they will plant vineyards and eat their fruit. 
22 No longer will they build houses and others live in them, or plant and others eat. For as the days of a tree, so will be the days of my people; my chosen ones will long enjoy the works of their hand.
23 They will not toil in vain or bear children doomed to misfortune; for they will be a people blessed by the LORD, they and their descendants with them.
24 Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear. 
25 The wolf and the lamb will feed together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox, but dust will be the serpent's food. They will neither harm nor destroy on all my holy mountain," says the LORD.

 

Feb. 7th, 2010- Celebrating

Hi Everyone!

Today I turned 26 weeks!!  YIIPPEE!! I love birthdays! We’ve been busy as a family as of late.  Lots of exciting things happening at my house to celebrate my little life….

Last weekend for my 25^th birthday my daddy and mommy took me to a gun show. (I’ll give you one guess who REALLY wanted to go!)  My mommy decided the only way I get to go enjoy some “boy time” with daddy is if she goes too—so we all went together.  I think she felt a little out of place.  When we walked in she could smell the testosterone and was overwhelmed by the hundreds of guns, scopes, ammo, and husky men.  My daddy’s eyes were bright and shining as we looked at all the different guns and accessories.  WE LOVE BEING BOYS!!! Mommy was trying really hard to think of what the equal of this experience was for girls.  After scratching her head awhile, she decided it’s probably like buying a brand new outfit-complete with shoes, accessories, and a new haircut.  EWWW girl stuff—I’m so glad I’m not a girl! 

Next we got to go to watch an IMAX movie called Under the Sea (I’ll give you one guess whose idea that one was!) I loved the loud noise and was doing the backstroke in my own little ocean while we learned about sea creatures!  Mommy got so relaxed watching the pretty fish and listening to the soothing music that she started to fall asleep—or maybe it was my calm personality (YEAH RIGHT-Just call me Spit Fire!)

Tuesday we had a doctor appointment.  The ultrasound lady caught me at my finest moment.  I decided to be a little stinker and put on a show.  I kept sticking my tongue out—I’m just like my daddy when he was a little boy, he used to do the same thing!!  Mommy wanted to see my little face—apparently she thinks I’m adorable—Oh mom…I however continue to be a stinker and put my hand up by my face—“Stop, stop I can only take so much attention.”  At the end, after all that teasing, I finally gave them a smile.  It was mommy’s favorite picture from the day.

Currently, I’m all sprawled out and enjoying the space while I have it.  I’m now about 1.5 pounds and trying to make some more room in here—I only have so much space to work with.  Mommy says her tummy is being STTREEETTCCHHHEEDD—what can I say, I’m a guy, I need more room in this man cave!  My mommy loves it when I decide to do “the wave” and poke her tummy out a bit.  It makes her day and she smiles.  She tries to get my daddy to see it to—but I like to play this little game—Whenever he looks closely, I decide to “hide.”  I’m sure he’ll catch me one of these days- he is pretty quick!

  

Mommy and daddy met with a nice lady that plans to take some pictures of my family soon—some with me inside my mommy’s tummy and then others when I make my grand appearance.  My mommy loves pictures and is SO excited to meet me—I think pictures of my cute and perfect features will bring her lots of joy and comfort. 

My daddy decided to get me a little gift this week!  Another giraffe! Isn’t it great?!! Now there are 2 to keep each other company. 

I also had some other very special presents the past couple of weeks.  My Aunt Maren knitted a warm, cozy hat and booties for my arrival.  Mommy says her punkin will look so cute in his pumpkin. Thank you Aunt Maren- you are so talented! (My mom wishes she could do things like that, but apparently she tried it before and it didn’t work out well—so now she REALLY appreciates the hard work that goes into this!)

Another gift was a special book compiled of notes, verses, words of encouragement, and letters from many of you!!! Thank you for writing me—I LOVE THEM!!!  It is amazing to think of how many people know me and love me so much already—WOW!!! I know my mommy finds this book to be very touching and encouraging to her heart, so thank you for taking the time to write and thank you to my Aunt Melissa for putting that together—it’s a beautiful book and another treasured keepsake.

I love celebrating—you know my whole life I’m going to be celebrating…and someday-there is going to be even more celebrating—mommy says it’ll be the biggest party ever! Thank you for helping me celebrate my life too—thank you for your prayers for my family. 

Well I love you all-but I need to get going…Until next time….

Naiah