March 28th-Oh My, How we Have Grown!!

Let's take a peek at how much our Little Critter has been growing!

Week 21: 

Week 26:

Week 27:

Week 30:

Week 31:

Week 33:

Week 35:

Week 36:

Week 37: The Morning He was Born

March 27th-Recap of the last 3 weeks

Week 31-

Brought forth parent teacher conferences and long days at work—which led to swelling and retention of water in the feet…which led to new pairs of shoes that fit…and socks that don’t cut off circulation.

We made it through the work week and made an escape for KC to visit Naiah’s cousins—Needless to say Aunt Missy is one busy lady taking care of 2 little ones under the age of 21 mths…..Wow…

Bobbi Jo and Alycia were able to come up and visit for an afternoon—That Sister Bonding time—yeah, can’t thank the Lord enough for that! I’d try to explain it—but honestly it’d take too long to find the words…

Week 32- Spring Break!

Lots of time to relax and just go at own pace—which I must say is SUCH a blessing in of itself.  I find myself trying to cram SO much in during the workweek that I’m utterly exhausted—so needless to say this time was refreshing.

I worked on some special projects for Naiah—We hope to hang these in his little room…I felt like it was one way I could still decorate for him.

We made our way to see Benaiah’s Great Grandparents.  It’s been awhile, so I was grateful to get up and spend some time with them.  Mom and Alycia were able to join us on our adventure!  Special times, special moments, with some special people.

I also got to catch up with several friends over lunch dates and afternoon coffee breaks—So wonderful to be able to have the time and energy to do this!!!  Why is it that when you want whole heartedly to spend time with people and catch up, life and its billion of priorities pull you from doing so?  It’s hard striking that balance—I’ve been feeling like God has been asking me to prioritize my time based on what HE thinks is best, not what is on MY list…Uff, that’s tough.  But if I’m being honest, I realize that God doesn’t want me to feel overwhelmed and emotionally drained—and often times, the only one I have to blame for this is myself.  Anyone else have any trouble saying “No?”  Maybe the question should be- “Is there anyone out there that thinks they have their days perfectly balanced?” If you are this person—PLEASE inform!! J

Which brings me to the next part of Spring Break.  Being that I’m a control freak and wanting to have things planned ahead of time to prevent stress later on (how odd is that concept—like I ever really “get ahead”) I started thinking of Benaiah’s Celebration of Life service.  I check for balloons and order a birthday cake.  How do you tell the lady behind the counter—yes, I need these for May, for my son’s funeral?  With tears in the eyes and a burning sensation in the throat, we made it through..I want his little party to be the best—being as it’s the only one he’ll have with us on this earth....but as I stop and think—nothing here will touch the party that will be held there.  Benaiah’s Celebration of Life will be everyday with Jesus, not just one brief day.

Week 33:

The grandparents decided to come visit us during our doctor appt. this week.  We thought it’d be great for them to see the little man on 4-D and meet the amazing medical staff we’ve been working with.  Turns out Little Twirpo decided to not make an “official appearance”…We saw some feet, an ear, and crossed legs…and then of course was the shot that took the cake—(and mind you—this is after Benaiah and I had a little chat about cooperating for this special grandparents day)….Benaiah decided to bear us a crystal clear picture of his little toosh and um…shall we say….another part of his “manhood..”  I blushed, Brad beamed.  Of all the things—seriously Benaiah…You are a character….Due to the fact I’m a fan of modesty- I’ll be refraining any posting any of these lovely shots.  Although—this one is pretty special!   Thanks for coming Grandpa Keith, Grandma Linda, Grandma Eileen, and Grandpa Darwin—the time was precious and laughter priceless!!!

We were able to visit the hospital and visit with a nice staff member about birthing tips and get a quick tour.  I was able to walk in the room where we hope to be delivering and spend precious moments with our son.  It is a special little room—in it’s own little “corner”--away from the other mommies and new little ones.  It’s quiet, it’s private, it’s what we need for that time.  I’m just so thankful they are thinking of how to make this the most peaceful and encouraging time for our family. 

We have truly been cared for by the best of the best medical staff.  I can’t thank them all enough—not for just taking care of us professionally, but for loving on our family.  Your part in our journey has been a comfort in a very unique and special way.  Thank you for all you do for us. 

March 6th-Halfway....

Benaiah turned 30 weeks yesterday.  It brings bittersweet emotion—Naiah celebrates another week of life, yet I realize that we are now halfway through our journey.  It’s been 10 weeks since we heard the news—10 weeks…..which means at the most we have 10 weeks left.  The tears wouldn’t stop falling yesterday as the reality that I’m running out of time keeps crossing my mind.  Soon a Friday will come, where my instinct will be to do something special for him and he won’t physically be with me. 

Fear of the unknown haunted me—labor in itself is enough to make any woman take an enormous gulp, but adding on the harsh reality of this journey and how it will quickly end- that pushed me over my emotional ledge.  I could not leave the thought of having to let him go…How Lord? How am I going to have the strength to hand him to someone

else, kiss him one last time, and realize I won’t see him again until heaven…..How…..I’m crying now as I think about how this will probably be the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do…and how do you prepare for it?  How do you have the courage and peace….How?

Do not be afraid for I am with you.  Do not be discouraged for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

—Isaiah 41: 10

Lord-You have been faithful to get us through the past 10 weeks…You’ve shown up and have literally carried us---which is what I have to remember—that you will continue to carry us.  One Pslam says- You feed your flock like a shepherd.  You carry the lambs in your arms, holding them close to your heart.  You gently lead the mother sheep with their young….You carry little Benaiah close to your heart and you are indeed leading the momma sheep.

Give us the strength to continue walking, to cherish each moment of his sweet life, and to eventually let him go….Help me to remember death is not something to be feared…it’s the doorway that allows us to be with you…My unborn son is showing me that there is nothing to fear—that our bodies are just temporary shells until the best is yet to come. As Hebrews 11 states: They agreed they were no more than foreigners and nomads here on earth.  They were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland.  Benaiah is showing me that Lord—in some ways I feel like this squirt knows more about your love and true life than I do…

Thank you for being a God that can identify with these hard, deep, painful emotions. You sit and cry with me during my hard days.  You don’t sit up there in heaven, distant from my pain, and say “bummer.”  You care so much that about me that You come down from on high to sit and comfort me..…I liked the part in my Hope devotional where it talked about the death of Lazarus.  “When Jesus saw her weeping and the others wailing, He was moved with indignation and deeply troubled….and he wept…” The author, Nancy Guthrie, continues with, “I think Jesus wept because he was pained by the hurt that death caused to people he loved.  His tears were of compassion for Mary and Martha, and tears of determination, perhaps, to finish the work he came to do, to win a victory, once and for all, over the power of death.  It breaks the heart of God that death has so much power to hurt those He loves.  Look here and see the tears on the face of God, because he feels the hurt and emptiness that death leaves in its wake, and he longs with us for the day when death is destroyed forever.”

You don’t like to see me cry Lord.  You don’t like the fact our family will grieve the loss of Benaiah.  In fact, I think you had this in mind as you found a way to bust through the hopelessness and darkness…It was your motivation to save those you love... Thank you for giving us hope because of your Son.  I realize that you too—must have been pained to know the reality of your Son’s journey—to innocently suffer on the cross at the hands of men who didn’t care and love him.  You had to hand over your Son—You too had to trust that it would all work out.  And it did—in a way that is so wonderful and magical…For death had lost its sting....

Oh Lord-help us to trust that this will all work out....