April 14th- Note from Naiah- 36 weeks of life

It’s Benaiah again!  I’m now 36 weeks and made it 9 months!!! YAAHOOO!!!  I am currently at 5 lbs. and I’m adding more to my adorableness. Mommy can’t wait to get a hold of my chunky cheeks—I think she wants me to come out looking like my daddy.  I’m doing my best! 

I loving keeping mommy on her toes-that is when she can see them!   I can tell she is moving a lot slllloooowwwweerrrr than before, guess it’s from all that extra growing I’ve been doing.

I’ve been kind of a stinker lately when it comes to pictures as the doctor’s office. I love to put my hands up by my face and use them to block from any sneak peeks.  Although I did get Mommy to giggle when she saw the “ring” around my wrist—what can I say I’m supposed to be packing on the fat! 

My little kicks are getting stronger-I’ve been practicing for so long—sometimes they make my mommy jump! (LOVE doing that!) Just call me Benaiah-little Samuri!

Mommy’s tummy is continuing to squeeze itself—I think we’re slowly getting ready to “get this show on the road.”  So far it’s not hurting her and I don’t hear her screaming—so that’s a good thing. The doctors and my parents decided that Wednesday, May 5^th will be my birthday—(something about induction, whatever that means).  Please pray that my mommy and I have a safe, healthy, and smooth delivery.  Mommy gets kind of nervous.  But I’m not.  No sir, I feel Jesus surrounding us both.  I’m going to have mommy’s arms around me and then Jesus’ arms around her-He told me so.  He promised.  He says He’ll never leave us and He loves us SO much. 

Our family had some special pictures taken last weekend—prenatal pictures Mommy says.   She wanted to do this too to celebrate our time together.  We are a cute little family—of course I’m the best part!  Thank you Ms. Mandy for helping the three of us capture these special moments.

Daddy and I surprised Mommy this past week.  We got her a special Mother’s Day card, some chocolate, and took her to a Cubs game!  Mommy was a little nervous sitting behind home plate with fly balls soaring through the air—but I LOVED IT! The night was gorgeous and we all enjoyed the evening out! Thanks Mr. and Mrs. Peuse for taking us out to the ballgame!

Today Mommy and I had a date at Reiman.  When mommy walked around she kept thinking about how beautiful the flowers were and how heaven will be a gazillion times more beautiful.  It was very peaceful for her—Jesus felt very near.  He was heard in the croaking bullfrogs at the pond….He was felt in the soft, light fuzzies that blew around like a summer snow…..He was seen in the new life budding on the trees bringing color to dull branches….. New life is coming and Mommy took great comfort in this little adventure.

I think the part that brought her the most comfort was the butterfly garden.  You should have seen all the butterflies!!! The silent flap of their wings and they way they flutter through the air is enough to make you want to sit still and think about life.  Mommy was thinking about how I’m kind of like a butterfly—I’ve been in my own special cocoon for awhile now—growing, changing, and getting ready to break free.  And once I do--they will think I’m the most amazing thing they’ve ever seen.  But did you know that most butterflies don’t live that long?  In fact many species die within 2 weeks of their life.  Mommy thinks that is what makes them even more special—even though their time is so brief, their beautiful life makes people stop and ponder at life and wonder about God.   She thinks I am helping other people do that too.

Here are some pictures that we saw drawn on a wall in the garden—they look like kid drawings….the part we liked most is that they have butterflies in each one…

This one reminds Mommy and I of our family….

This one reminds us of me meeting Jesus—Maybe the curling swirl stands for my life that will never end....

This one reminds us of me in heaven with the sun shining and I’m no longer in my old “cocoon”—but born into a new body—one that is holy and perfect.

April 23rd, 2010-Surprise!

Well friends--On Benaiah's 37th week of life--he decided to throw us a SURPRISE!!!! HIM!!!!!

Contractions started at 9:00-(we actually drove to Grandma & Grandpa's for the day...) and on the way home I called the doctor thinking maybe I should just go in "really quick" to rule out false labor...I thought if I was in labor--I'd know...I walked into the hospital, was having some uncomfortable cramping/back pain....but surely not labor.....

We walked into Mercy at 5:00 pm Friday night...I was completely convinced they were going to tell me- "You were right false labor--go home"....Well Naiah-as always--has decided to teach us life doesn't always roll like that....

5:30 we are checked and find out that we've gone from 1 cm, 50% on Wed. to 3 cm and 90%...I cried as the lady said- "Yes, you are in labor and you won't be going home..." This wasn't a part of the plan Naiah--You were supposed to wait until May 5th.....there you go teaching your mommy life lessons again.....

By 8:00--I"m still doing "fine" but was looking forward to some pain medicine in the immediate future....Dr. breaks my water--I'm at 4 cm....but in 25 minutes...we'd gone from 4 cm to delivery- and he came rushing in our lives with both guns blazing --Our lives were quickly changing.....

When I saw Benaiah--my heart beamed--I was so PROUD of my son...Family was able to scoot down...See him, sing to him, hold him, love him, pray for him....and at 12:30am we called it a night.....

I laid with him all night long--talked to him, rocked him, laid beside him and said "We're here, We're going to be here...I will be here...." I kept touching his adorable little cheeks, nose, constantly kissing them.  I wanted him to be near someone the entire time not knowing how much time we had left......His sweet little breath and adorable noises will be forever etched in my brain....He was here......

2:00am-I'm hanging on to his every breath--listening/wondering....I pray in thanksgiving for the wonderful time we had, but it's getting emotionally hard as I wonder will this be the last breath?  Dear Jesus-Please just take him peacefully and soon....this is getting really hard.....

4:00 am--We decide to let the nurse take him for a couple hours so I can sleep--ten minutes later she comes back in "His breathing is changing"....I immediately shot up--held him and said "I"ve got it--I'm up"....Once I laid him near me the nurse said "Crazy...He went from breathing a couple a times a minute to every 5-10 seconds with you again--He needs to be near you"....My heart soared-my son--knew me in a way I will treasure forever....

6:30 am- Brad, Benaiah, and I are cuddled up--I somehow fall asleep for 10-15 minutes--when I awake I don't hear his breathing....God had helped take our son peacefully in his sleep when I managed to fall asleep for my brief nap--I think it was their gift to me.....I didn't need to feel the "weight" of that specific moment--it just came and he went.....

7:00 am- The nurse checks in--his little heart has stopped....Relief floods my heart--He is finally with Jesus--a new creation, in the perfect place....

The morning was tough--but again we got through by God's strength--the whole 12 hour process was one of peace, tranquility, and love......I wasn't scared, I wasn't fearful....

As we said our last goodbyes--I couldn't help but say "We were supposed to take you home..." but I realized in that moment--we did--we took his hand and walked him to the most perfect home.....

Please pray for us in the following weeks--My heart has a gaping hole and my arms are empty....this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do........Any notes of encouragement, emails, cards, hugs, flowers, signs of life would be so appreciated if you feel called to "help".....Maybe even how Benaiah changed your life/what he made you reflect on....that would be the best gift.....

You are invited to Benaiah's Celebration of Life service Sat., May 22nd at Cornerstone in the morning sometime.....before lunch either 10:00 or 10:30--More details to come....

Thank you for your love and support--the specific requests we had for this time were meant beyond expectation--God showed up and in BIG WAYS and proved Himself to be so faithful....To Him be the Glory....that is what little Naiah's life was all about.....let us all learn from him.....

With tears streaming-

Tara