Thank you!

Thank you all for making our son's celebration of life service most memorable.  Tara and I feel very honored by all our friends & family.  We are so very thankful we do not walk this road alone.  I have received a lot of requests to see the posters we had in the lobby of the church.  I have attached copies to this posting...since it's online, I made just a couple edits...I'll leave them up here for a couple weeks anyway...after that I'll take them off.  Love you all...thanks so much for your help, encouragement,  patience, and prayers!  May God bless you for your kindness!

Brad

Life....

I have been thinking this morning…I’ve been a bit convicted ever since church yesterday. Mark was speaking on worship and he highlighted two portions of scripture that God has really used to upset my little apple cart this morning…so to speak :).

The first is in Psalm 29:1-2
“Ascribe to the Lord O mighty Ones ascribe to the Lord glory and strength. Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.”

The second is in Romans 12:1
“Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices holy and pleasing to God- this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Glory…the word literally means weight or heaviness….what we give weight to is what we give glory to. That worship…is not a place we go…or a thing we do, but a person we love.

Those of you who have been following my wife’s faithful entries (and my occasional ramblings :)) on this site know that we lost our son just over a week ago…as I reflected on how I have viewed everything the past week…I find myself struggling sometimes…struggling that life seemingly goes on for everyone else. Finding it unfair that our lives have to seemingly stand still and that most waking moments for Tara and I seem to be filled with the heaviness of loss and grief. Even though there are moments of fun…light-heartedness…joy…it always seems to come back to the heaviness. Now I know this will heal in time, but I say this only to give you an idea of where my mind has been running this week. I have been (like Solomon in Ecclesiastes) weighed down with the seemingly vanity and inequity of life. Why do parents, who don’t really want there kids…or find them a burden…get to keep them…while we do not. Why do people seemingly unprepared to be parents…get to be parents…while we do not. Basically, why do people get to be happy now….and we do not…

Kind of silly and self absorbed huh?!?!  I don't want to minimize real grief, but just saying...right now...there seems to be a fine line between the legitimate grief and kind of bitterness in the heart....working through it...guess it'll just take time.

Well…getting back to Mark’s message…I was hammered by Romans 12:1…because it seems that my son…had it figured out better than his old man. Our spiritual act of worship…is to give God glory with our lives…to live them in such a way that even in the briefest of lives…God’s greatness…is reflected. It seems sometimes to me that Naiah has done a better job in his 9 hours of life than maybe I have in my 30+ (well maybe a little longer than that) :).

I think the reason it is hard for me to think about life going on for so many others in the midst of our pain is that part of me wants desperately for life to be about me…or at least about something in my life…even though it is not.

What a prideful thing...our son had it figured out…he lived life as best he could…for as long as he could…to give God the glory for being God…and for making him. Now…I know Tara and I will be hit with waves of pain, sorrow, grief. I also know that this is all part of grieving for our son…because we loved him very much. But we say…in the middle of it…God is good…and we trust Him. He has blessed both us and our son…the eyes to see, the mind to understand, and the heart to know Him…to love Him. He has forgiven us for being the wretched sinners we are….and He is taking us home someday…to enjoy (with Naiah) His glory.

Life…is not about me...even though the rebellious side of me rises up so often to try to make it about me.   So far from it…it is about a Holy God who both desperately loves the worst of us (I am a testimony to that)…but also demands justice for our sin….who through his death on the cross forever balanced justice and mercy. It’s about all of life pointing to that singular moment in time…when a loving God…took on human frailty…to pay for my sin…your sin...and puts us all at a crossroads to decide if our lives are going to be about ourselves…or about Him.

Thank you all for helping us as we walk this road…to help us decide over and over and over again to make this story…our story…Naiah’s story…a God story. We could not do it without Him…nor could we do it without your help. Your prayers, calls, cards, emails…just being there sometimes….have helped us as we try with all we are to make it through this and decided this each time we find ourselves at that crossroads. Let me say from Tara, Naiah, and I to you…you have mattered in our journey…thank you so much!

You are very welcome to join us, family, and friends at Naiah’s celebration of life service at Cornerstone on Saturday…May 22, 2010 at 10:30am. Not knowing how many folks will be coming…we can’t promise to have a balloon, sandwich, or drink for everyone, but we would very much like to shake your hand…give you a hug…say thank you…face to face.