December 28th-Fear and Doubt Strike

December 28-- Fear and Doubt Strike

I made the mistake of getting on-line today to learn how to spell Anencephaly and ran across some very graphic and upsetting pictures.  I knew Benaiah would not look like a normal child but I couldn’t breath as I wondered if our son would look like this.  I start to second-guess myself—are we doing the right thing?  Satan is on my heels and the fear/doubt creeps in.  I am reminded by my husband and friends that truth is not accompanied by fear and doubt, which is not the fruit of the Spirit.  Even though it is hard, I know the right thing to do is to choose to love Benaiah, no matter what the cost.  This is what brings me peace—for this is what it means to love. 


“He has made everything beautiful in it’s time.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

What is beauty? Does it make me a selfish person for wanting to have a beautiful son?  What kind of mother am I, if I don’t know if I can look at my son without fear?  Oh God, give me your eyes when I meet our son face to face. Help me to love him unconditionally as you love us. 

Later that night- Benaiah finds a way to calm our fears and make it better.  As Brad and I sit, Ben starts moving A LOT—I think it was his way of saying, “It’ll be okay mom and dad.”  Brad’s face lit up as he felt a couple little pows.  What a blessing!!!!  Instead of being a support for him—Benaiah was being a support for us.