Jan 8th, 2010-What we need from those who love us.....

Brad and I realize that our journey is a hard one—not only for us—but those around us. We are utterly amazed at the cards, emails, gifts, hugs, phone calls we have received….WOW—It’s humbling to know that many people care deeply for your family.  Thank you…Thank you…Thank you….

Before Benaiah came to be a part of our lives, I wasn’t comfortable at all with knowing what to say, how to comfort, how to help in times of grief.  It was just too hard—for someone who knows how to encourage people, I was at a loss of what to say (and for me, that doesn’t happen often).  Please know we understand that not all people are comfortable with this, and that you still love us, but just not know what to say or do….. 

Now being on the other side I have a new perspective that I’d like to share with you—not to be condemning of others and how I “used to be”—but to be helpful and encouraging!  Many of you have been through devastating journeys as well….My heart is convicted and I must apologize—from the deepest part of my soul—I'm sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.  I’m sorry I was scared….I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you just needed a hug or to listen.  Now I also realize that I can’t be there for everyone all the time, and neither can you….So I pray the Spirit would do the guiding there as to who and when….  If I’ve learned anything—it’s the power of coming along side others during their joys and sorrows.  WE NEED EACH OTHER!!!!

We are all learning from this---To hopefully make it more “comfortable”….I’ve decided to list some concrete things for you to help us with---that is if you would like and feel called to:

Prayer, Simply be there, Acknowledge Benaiah’s little life, Celebrate him….that is what we need from those who love us……

Here is a special request…Write a letter to Benaiah sharing stories you’ve had with us, either as single or a married couple, or things you remember about our pregnancy adventure—We LOVE reading to him—this is a way he can get to know who you are and how you’ve been important in our life!!!  What therapy for us to again celebrate the wonderful things God has done in our family!  

What else can you do?

• PLEASE SAY HIS NAME!!!!!! Benaiah, Ben, Naiah
• Each week we celebrate Benaiah’s life—His little birthdays are on Fridays—say a prayer of thanksgiving……
• Listen-nod, cry, affirm…..you don't even have to say anything-just listening is a beautiful gift.....
• Ask questions—What are you celebrating? What are your hopes for Benaiah’s life?  Tell me about your latest appointment.  What have you found to be the most helpful?  What are you most scared for? 
• Please feel the freedom to cry—it makes us feel normal—and it feels better for everyone
• Give us hand squeezes, hugs, smiles
• Drop encouraging notes at work, house in the mailbox, in the mail, email, or blog site
• Spend time with us—playing cards, going to movies, out to eat—getting us out of the house (except when it’s 30 below….then you can come to our house!)
• Songs or poems that touch your heart—ones you recommend or have brought you comfort
• Little presents that you see that remind you of hope or life

What can you be praying for?

In thanksgiving for our son—continue to protect him and grow with no more complications….

Make the most of our time with Benaiah…….

The Grace, Peace, and Strength of our Father to continue walking this road….

That we draw closer to our Father each day

To have a healthy balance of grieving and celebrating…..

To protect our marriage- how we can help each other and draw us closer together….

That we can see the little “miracles” Benaiah and God are working towards…..They make a good team! 

We love you all--thank you so much for being a part of our lives....